Define "chronic" masturbator.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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