He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
