I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
