I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
