I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
