That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
