I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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