hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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