I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
