Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
