Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
