im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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