So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
