I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
