Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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