i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
