then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't deserve a penis
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize