If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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