there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
