Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
