He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
