The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We left an ass print on the piano.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
