If that was your dad, he is hot
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
