So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
