Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
