I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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