I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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