Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
