We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
