worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
