I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
