I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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