Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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