You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
