i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize