haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
