The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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