Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
