im about as happy as oj after his trial
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
