I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
