soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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