I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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