put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize