I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
