he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
