why didn't you poke me back
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
