Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
