btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
