Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
