ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
