Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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