she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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