Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
