the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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