Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
