found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
