Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
