im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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