If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
