I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
