Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
