Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
