ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
