Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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