im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
