Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's blow job season.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize