Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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