The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
