i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
