I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
