Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
