fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
