you guys were way drunker than both of me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
