Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize