This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
