I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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