very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
