I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
