My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
