he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
