He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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