I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
