All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
