She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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