omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
