Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
