your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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