My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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