I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
