fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Holy sore nipples Batman
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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