i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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