Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
