I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
