I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
