so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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