Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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