You're so nebulous sometimes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
