you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
